Vick...is done for

We're sick of Vick, but this tidbit from one of his former associates who entered his guilty plea this morning is as damning as it gets:

According to the statement of facts signed Friday, "Peace, (Quanis) Phillips and Vick executed approximately 8 dogs that did not perform well in 'testing' sessions at 1915 Moonlight Road by various methods, including hanging and drowning. All three participated in executing the dogs. Peace agrees and stipulates that these dogs all died as a result of the collective efforts of Peace, Phillips and Vick."

Yeah, we think it's safe to go ahead and not drat him for your fantasy team.

We swear we're not lazy, we've actually been busy.

We apologize for the scarcity of posts recently, but we’ve been swamped at our real gig (and as much as we like this one, those Goggle AdSense dollars don’t pay the rent) and unable to blog beneath our boss’s nose. You understand, right? We’re sure the six of you still with us do. At any rate, to catch up we’re going all out with a hot ass August edition of Things We Know.

1.) The Colts should absolutely NOT sign Tank Johnson.
- Sure, Lovie Smith has talked him up to Tony Dungy and he’s a quality DT, but this is not the solution to the Colts defensive problems. He can’t even play for the first eight regular season games. By all means Bill Polian, take a long look at Gerard Warren and Warren Sapp, just keep away from Tank.

2.) Superbad is going to be the shit.
- We’ll be seeing it tonight or tomorrow, but some friends in the industry have seen test screenings and say it may be the best yet from Apatow and Co. “Better than Virgin?” we asked. “Yep, better than Virgin,” they responded. So there’s that.

3.) Michael Vick is headed for the concrete floor hotel.
- All indications point to a plea deal being struck sometime today. In other news, our Vick dog chew toy is on backorder and should be here by the season opener.

4.) You should NOT go see The Ten.
- We know it’s tempting, because Paul Rudd is in it, but you’ll thank us later.

5.) Monday Night Football is tolerable again.
- We’ve always had a soft spot for Ron Jaworski and his Ivy League-style breakdown of film, but we never imagined how wonderful he’d be in the Monday Night booth. He even makes Kornheiser funny again.

6.) If you’re not psyched for this weekend’s Cards/Cubs series, get fucked.
- Both teams are within 2 ½ games of first place in the NL Central, and they get it on four times at Wrigley. This is as good as baseball gets, people, even if it’s two mediocre teams from a shitty division.

7.) The new Madden is – pardon our cliché – the balls!
- We have yet to take the Xbox 360 plunge (though the price drop has us wavering), but we’ve been playing it at work all week and it’s great. Not late 90’s/early 00’s great, but as great as it gets with an exclusive NFL license.

8.) Did anyone else know that The Invasion comes out this weekend?
- Here’s another lesson kids: stop remaking classic films that were just fine to begin with.

9.) Mercifully, John From Cincinnati was killed in its sleep.
- We watched one episode and gave up. Others were more lenient, patient and forgiving, but what did they ultimately gain?

10.) David Beckham still doesn’t have our attention.
- Even though we live in Los Angeles (Santa Monica, really), we couldn’t care less. And, apparently, so could the rest of you.

Vick done for the year? Not so, says the NFL.

Yahoo! Sports, those news sleuths with the affection for extraneous punctuation, are probably shitting the bed this morning. We say that because the NFL is refuting their weekend report that Michael Vick will be suspended for the entire 2007 season. This in no way means that the sources Yahoo! has on the story are wrong, but merely that the NFL will announce the situation when they damn well please.

Either way, Brian Brohm still looks headed to the Falcons next year.

Our dog's early birthday present is a good one

Yes, we have a dog named Peyton. So what? This is what he'll be chewing on in about a month. You have to love merchandising. If you'd like to pick one up for your loving pet, go here.

All Vick, all the time!

Ugh. Honestly, we can't stand the Michael Vick story. Not the details, not the man, not the constant coverage. But this little nugget is promising. Apparently, the NFL is making it so you can't purchase a Michael Vick jersey anymore - at all. Donebar. Pretty intensive step, wouldn't you say? We would. We like it, though. That Goodell has a set on him.

Vick may be urged to take leave of absence

Morning. We're scratching our eyes and watching First Take and intrepid reporter Chris Mortensen is reporting that the NFL and Atlanta Falcons might urge Michael Vick to take a leave of absence. Thank Christ. This really seems like the best option for all parties at this point in time. Does it further drive the stake through the Falcons playoff hopes? Definitely, but there's going to be a could hanging over them whether Vick's under center this season or not. More on this later as it develops.

Oh, and those PETA people picketing outside the NFL offices are hard to the core.

He's just not very bright

This'll be our last Vick post for a bit, because you're no doubt being drowned in the coverage. But we had to pass along this quote we found from "source" of SI.com's Don Banks in his column today:

"He's not very bright at all,'' the source said of Vick. "And that's a big part of his problems. He's a very unintelligent person and he makes poor decisions because of it. It's not a white or black thing. Paris Hilton is an idiot, too. Mike Tyson was totally dumb, but for a long time his trainer kept him protected from his worst mistakes. You have to have someone around you who can protect you from yourself at times.''

We don't know who this "source" is, but we think we'd like to have a beer or two with he or she. How's that Schaub trade looking now, Atlanta?

Mike Vick Media Day is in full effect, folks

Go ahead, try and escape it, if you can. We woke up this morning, knowing full well the media blitz would be in full swing. Sportscenter can't stop slobbering over the story. Jemele Hill and Skip Bayless actually agreed that the indictment looks pretty incriminating. We think Lifetime may have run a clip of Vick flipping off fans in between episodes of Frasier and Will & Grace. We can't confirm any of this, of course, but we sure think it's likely.

The best explanation we've seen of what kind of legal battle Vick actually faces comes from ESPN's Lester Munson, although you can chat with ESPN legal analyst Roger Cossack in a little over an hour, if you're into the law. Personally, we had our fill of prudence and torts in college, so we'll just roll with Munson. Our favorite line of story, naturally, is one of the first ones, when Munson answers his own question.

[What do these federal charges mean for Michael Vick?

Vick is in real trouble. He is up against the might and majesty of the U.S. government with all of its agents, all of its investigative techniques, and all of its skilled prosecutors.]

Seems like just a bit of government tit suckling going on there, no? We love our country just as much as anybody, but we no longer associate its government with words like "might" and "majesty." We prefer FEMA. At any rate, the story basically says that if Vick's convicted he's going to jail, he'd better hope no one rolls over on him, conspiracy charges are a bitch, and his trial will likely begin before the end of the calendar year.

Does this mean no Vick in the playoffs? Yeah, we're pretty sure it does.

Stick a fork in the Falcons, cuz they're done

Michael Vick, pictured above, will probably not be playing in the NFL this season. He was just indicted on two charges stemming from his involvement in that dogfighting ring mess. Nasty stuff. The Atlanta Falcons will most likely feature Joey Harrington or the recently cut Duante Culpepper behind center. Poor Bobby Petrino. Even in the pool of mediocrity that is the NFC, the Falcons' playoffs hopes probably just went down the shitter.