No thanks, the first two will suffice.

They say all good things come in threes. Whoever they are can sit on a rusty gargoyle. Maybe that's a bit harsh, but that old adage certainly doesn't apply to the cinema.

Already this summer we've had to A.) See our hopes for a fine capper to the Spider-Man trilogy bludgeoned by an overstuffed script. B.) Let the very image of those Shrek babies on Happy Meals force us to boycott McDonalds. C) Watch as all six movie theaters within a five-block radius of our apartment are swarmed with patch-eyed maniacs.

Hollywood's always had sequelitis, but this summer it's worse than ever. Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: Does it Really Matter What's Behind the Colon? are bad enough, but soon we will also be subjected to a PG-13 Die Hard. How the hell do you even make a PG-13 Die Hard? Oy.

These movies already have, or soon will, rule the box office. But that doesn't mean they don't blow. Hell, even the third Matrix movie made $150 million domestic. Shows how much the American viewing public knows. Anyone with even a modicum of movie knowledge is aware that the third film in a series is always - with few exceptions - a toilet stain. Don't believe us?

The Matrix Revolutions
- Picks up right where Reloaded left off, in the "What the fuck were the Wachowskis thinking?" bin. By the time the last half hour rolls around you're just hoping for a quick death.

Superman III
- Richard Prior, computer guru.

Godfather III
- Joe Mantegna openly mocks both the film and his performance on The Simpsons - with good reason.

Look Who's Talking Now
- Moving on.

Mad Max Beyond Thuderdome
- "We don't need another hero...we just have to find a way home..."

Major League III: Back to the Minors
- Only Bull Durham can make minor league baseball funny.

The Bad News Bears Go to Japan
- Don't they know Dice-K's already in America?

Beverly Hills Cop 3
- Was this the beginning of the end for Eddie Murphy?

Red Sonja
- Future love interest of Flava Flav swings sword, Ah-nuld makes cameo.

Robocop 3
- Attention Die Hard fans, this is what happens when your blood and profanity-soaked franchise goes PG-13.

Scream 3
- At least it had McDreamy.

Okay, okay, so we didn't pick the most obvious entries, but there's still a visible pattern. Spider-Man 3 and Shrek the Third could definitely be added to the canon and the second Pirates already sucked so there's no point in mentioning the current sequel. However, there are a few who have bucked the trend.

Die Hard With a Vengeance
- Bruce Willis and Sam Jackson careening though Manhattan. Brilliant.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
- We still like the second one best (we like the tree people!), but it's still genius filmmaking.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
- All three are comparable, really.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
- The ultimate end to the "Man with No Name" oeuvre.