Time-Warner cable subscribers, we apologize, but this post does not apply to you. Rather, you need to figure out how the hell to get out of that contract. Go ahead. We'll wait.
Alright, now that you've got that taken care of we can begin our dissection of sports on pay television. We're not talking about the Super Bowl, the NBA playoffs, or the Indy 500, games and events you can watch with even the paltriest viewing package. We're talking about those more expensive - arguably more valuable - sports-on-TV experiences like March Madness, eight NFL games at once or De La Hoya-Mayweather. We've been DirecTV subscribers for almost 18 months now and, despite some hardware issues and technical difficulties, we can't quibble with their programming options. In that year-and-a-half we've seen more games, more moments, and more middleweight dancing than you can imagine. We've paid for all this and now we're here to tell you what's worth that half-hundo you used to spend at the pub and what's simply better when it's free.
MLB Extra Innings
What it is: DirecTV tried - and failed - to make this much-valued package available to only their subscribers, so even you TW backers can spend countless hours watching batters rub their crotches in between pitches. With Extra Innings, you get access to practically every MLB game being played, anywhere, even if the Marlins and Devil Rays are facing off in interleague play. Add the Super Fan option to this package and you can watch up to eight games at once, or the most interesting at-bats and plays of the games currently in-progress on the Strike Zone Channel.
How much: Four payments of $39.95. The Super Fan option is an extra four payments of $9.95.
Is it worth it?: Without a doubt. For our money, this is the best value of any sports package. You get up to 60 out-of-market games a week (except for Saturdays, when all games that start prior to 4 p.m. PST are strangely blacked out) and the Strike Zone Channel is essential for the hardcore fantasy player.
NFL Sunday Ticket
What it is: Available only to DirecTV subscribers, Sunday Ticket allows you to watch any NFL game you want - even the Lions - from any region in the country. That means you Colts fans living in Los Angeles (ahem) can watch the Colts-Texans at 10 a.m. while still in your underwear nursing that hangover from the night before. As with the MLB Super Fan, the Sunday Ticket's SF package allows you to watch eight games at once.
How much: Five payments of $39.95. The Super Fan option is an extra five payments of $9.95.
Is it worth it?: Do you like the NFL? How much? Do you live in an area where they show all your favorite team's games? These are all important questions to ask yourself. If you follow more than just your team - assuming you get all your teams' games on your local channels - and have some expendable income to play with, you need Sunday Ticket. If you live out of your team's market, you need Sunday Ticket. If you're a gambling addict who, literally, lives and dies with every score from every game, well, you need Sunday Ticket more than anybody.
ESPN Full Court
What it is: A rather obscure package offering up to 30 various college basketball games a week, plus select conference matchups.
How much: $110 for full-season pass, $75 for half-season pass, $14.95 for one-day pass
Is it worth it?: We're big followers of our alma amater (Southern Illinois University at Carbondale) on the college hardwood, so we shelled out for this last year hoping to be able to see a few more of their games. We got fucked. Not one extra game, and only a handful of barely watchable matchups in general. Unless you like watching Air Force games, stay away.
ESPN GamePlan
What it is: Think ESPN Full Court, then substitute football for basketball, and you only get to watch Thursdays and Saturdays.
How much: $100 for season pass, $14.95 for one-day pass
Is it worth it?: Are there not enough college football games already on TV for you? If you have to see your team's EVERY game there's a little device called a slingbox you should look into.
NHL Center Ice
What it is: Oh hell no.
MLS Direct Kick
What is is: See above.
UFC pay-per-view events
What it is: Only the most exciting one-on-one sporting competition there is! This is mixed martial arts, mofos, do you not see the technique, skill, and toughness on display? Surely, you heard all about that recent Liddell-Jackson slugfest that lasted into the wee hours of the night?
How much: $39.95 per event
Is it worth it?: We've only paid for one of these events (the Matt Hughes/Royce Gracie showdown last summer) and we were frustrated, flustered and felt UFC was full of shit. After last weekend's Liddell-Jackson debacle (we watched all two minutes of it on YouTube the next day, BTW), we will be avoiding this like subway passengers in trench coats in the future.
Boxing pay-per-view events
What it is: The sweet science, as in the dying relic that once rivaled MLB for the hearts and minds of America's most ardent sports fans.
How much: Variable, though the De La Hoya-Mayweather fight was $54.95 for standard definition, and another 10 bucks for hi-def
Is it worth it?: Considering HBO and Showtime reair these expensive "superfights" a mere week later and it's been years since the heavyweight division has been even remotely interesting, that's a hard no. A bricklayer's no.
As you may have gathered from this list, the quality of the sport you're paying for is, in general, relative to the quality of the viewing experience you receive. We refused to list NBA League Pass because anyone who pays to watch extra NBA regular season games is a sucker and we don't condone sucking. We also omitted the WWE, TNA and other forms of sports entertainment because we lined their promoters' pockets with our parents' hard-earned cash when we were younger. As for Nascar Hot Pass? If you really think being able to listen in to drivers' jargon-heavy headset conversations or watching them piss into whatever they piss into is going to make the race more exciting, you go right ahead.
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