Critiquing Peter King's NFL Power Rankings

The man with the chestnut-and-gray fro is back from vacation and he comes bearing gifts, those being pre-season rankings for all 32 NFL teams. That must be a lot of work, but you don't get a cushy pad in literary suburbia (Montclair, N.J.) without putting in a few hours of hard labor. We once had our own place in Montclair - Lower Montclair, bordering on Bloomfield. Note to readers, Bloomfield, N.J. is not a place you want to visit. Nor is Newark, but you knew that already. Anyway, here are his rankings, along with our analysis.

1.)Indianapolis Colts
- King says "they enter the season with a good chance to go back-to-back," but he doubts their defense because of its turnover. We don't. Their defense got bigger and faster in the offseason. In a Tampa 2 defense, we'll trade that for experience anyday.

2.)New England Patriots
- Never one to rock the boat, he likes "the Patriots now because you can't overstate the importance of this offseason's best free-agent haul." Nope. We can't imagine anyone in the media ever doing that.

3.)San Diego Chargers
- "If Philip Rivers can play in the Manning-Brady league, this will be the Chargers' year." Because it's not unrealistic for a second-year starter to rival two Hall of Fame QBs.

4.)New Orleans Saints
- "The Saints scored 30 or more points six times in November and December last year." As if one needed more evidence to further underscore the mediocrity of the NFC.

5.)Chicago Bears
- King thinks "Grossman has to be 25 percent better for this team to win a Super Bowl." Maybe to reach the Super Bowl, but the only way this team beats an AFC team in the big game is if Grossman has a Simms-like performance.

6.)Denver Broncos
- Way too high, we say. Everyone, including King, thinks Jay Cutler is going to make a huge leap in his second year. What everyone forgets is that he was 2-3 as a starter last year. For all the deriding of Plummer, he still won a lot of games.

7.)Baltimore Ravens
- For all the talk of "hot sauce" and what this team was going to do last year, they were pushed around by a more physical Colts team in the playoffs. That doesn't bode well for this season, when their schedule jumps up a notch.

8.)Philadelphia Eagles
- We agree completely here with King. If McNabb stays healthy, the Eagles are knocking on the Super Bowl door. If he doesn't, his days in Philly are likely over.

9.)Seattle Seahawks
- King expects "the Seahawks to win 11 games, win the NFC West, and win at least one playoff game." We'll buy that, but if they run into the Saints they're toast.

10.)St. Louis Rams
- Stephen Jackson is amazing, but King's out of his mind on this one.

11.)New York Jets
- If you watched the ESPYS, you know how big an impact player Darrelle Revis is going to be. Is that enough to get the J-E-T-S to 10 wins again this year? King seems to think so. We're not so sure.

12.)Pittsburgh Steelers
- Tomlin's the real deal, folks. The Steelers come back from the dead this year and win 12 games. We're just sayin'.

13.)Detroit Lions
- This would put them close to 10 wins, wouldn't it Peter? We've gone on record saying we think the Lions will be improved, but not this improved.

14.)Dallas Cowboys
- Good Romo or bad Romo, the Cowboys will be in the playoffs. Too much talent for us to think otherwise. We'd have put them in the top 10.

15.)Tennessee Titans
- As King says, a trade of Pacman Jones for Nick Harper is not an upgrade, but any team that loses Travis Henry, Drew Bennett and Bobby Wade while adding nothing is a team on the decline.

16.)Carolina Panthers
- This team has too many playmakers to be this midde of the road, but unless Jake Delhomme reverts to Super Bowl form we could see them struggling.

17.)Cincinnati Bengals
- King's confident he's correcting in putting "the Bengals smack dab in the middle of the pack," but if they can create a few more turnovers on defense this year we see no reason this team can't win 11 games.

18.)Jacksonville Jaguars
- They have a dominant defense, a superb running game - and a non-existent passing game. King's win range for them is from seven to 10. That seems reasonable.

19.)Miami Dolphins
- We get King's point about Ted Ginn being compared to Brady Quinn for years to come, but don't see Trent Green elevating this team to even top-20 status. Now, if they were in the NFC...

20.)Atlanta Falcons
- Vick or no Vick, this team is in shambles. King uses the word "retooling," which is a classy way of saying "zero shot at the postseason."

21.)New York Giants
- This is going to be Eli's year, we can feel it. And it's not because we own his jersey.

22.)San Francisco 49ers
- King has refused to hop on the 49er hype train, which we can understand. We don't see them winning the NFC West, either, but they'll be a lot better than this.

23.)Buffalo Bills
- They lost their starting running back and top two defenders. A 4-12 season could be in the cards.

24.)Washington Redskins
- King "agonized over this one." We really like the potential of Jason Campbell, and we think Santana Moss has another 1,500-yard season in him, but the Redskins are the asshole in the NFC East.

25.)Green Bay Packers
- Brett Farve came back for this?

26.)Kansas City Chiefs
- Brodie Croyle or Damon Huard? With Larry Johnson behind them it shouldn't matter. Then again, those 800 touches in the last two years and that contract squabble might be a bit of a problem.

27.)Houston Texans
- Matt Schaub is not worth $48 million. And this team, despite King's thinking, does not have a shot at .500.

28.)Oakland Raiders
- Sigh.

29.)Tampa Bay Bucs
- Enjoy Cato June, fuckers.

30.)Arizona Cardinals
- Believe in the Buzzsaw and you'll only get your heart broken.

31.)Minnesota Vikings
- Our pick for team that has no right to be any good that will actually turn out to be...good.

32.)Cleveland Browns
- Brady Quinn is not your Lord and savior.