Something's amiss with the headline-creating tool on the blog, so for the time being this post shall remain nameless. We're recapping the MLB season's first half - in short, quick bursts.

1.) An A-bomb for Aaaaaaaaaaaa-Rod.
- Despite some nasty off-field issues (a muscular stripper, an anti-social wife, that whole will he opt out or won't he thing), A-Rod has posted some eye-gouging numbers in the first three-plus months of 2007 season. We wish him nothing but the best, because we're still holding out hope for a cut of that $30 million he'll be making next year.

2.) The Cardinals have come crashing back to Earth.
- Chris Carpenter went down, Albert Pujols lost his power, Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds are - somehow - playing older than their age, and did we mention Kip Wells and Anthony Reyes?

3.) Ichiro will punch himself in the face (you know, if you're into that).
- In his walk year, Ichiro is batting over .360, on pace for 240-plus hits, and generating more killer quotes than a snippet from Elijah Dukes' radio show. The Mariners are also quitely making their move in the AL West. Who needs a manager, anyway?

4.) Prince Fielder IS Ryan Howard.
- Seriously, the Brewer first baseman with the royal name is lapping the field in the NL MVP race. Like everyone else, we thought this was a year or two off in the distance. So much for learning curves.

5.) Your 2007 NL first-half ERA crown winner: Chris Young.
- We just wanted to give him a little recognition, seeing how Tony La Russa tried to leave him off the NL All-Star team and everything. Quick, it's a game-seven situation, who do you put out there, Young or Peavy? A couple months ago this was a no-brainer. No longer.

6.) Barry Bonds is going to hit 756 - eventually.
- We're not anti-Bonds because he did the juice (who didn't?); we're anti-Bonds because he seems like an astonishingly huge prick. Then again, we don't want A-Rod to break it either. Jr. Griffey fucked this up for everyone.

7.) Dice-K mania really isn't all it's cracked up to be.
- The millions the Red Sox sunk into the Japanese fireballer have yielded good, not great, results, but remember back when every Dice-K start was a must see? We took off three afternoons in April alone to watch him pitch. Now, we could care less.

8.) All your hotties belong to Brad Penny.
- The Dodgers' 10-game winner with the greasy hair and groovy paunch is mowing down batters on the field and a bevy of C-list actresses (Alyssa Milano, Eliza Dushku) off it. Neither makes us want to venture to Dodger Stadium again anytime soon. We've heard "Cardinals suck" quite enough, thank you.

9.) The Cubs LOVE spending money.
- What's $300 million buy you these days? If you're a Cubs fan, it's a winning percentage just over .500. Actually, that's probably worth it.

10.) The records are falling, the records are falling...
- Frank Thomas hit his 500th home run, Craig Biggio his 3,000th hit, and sometime in the next few months A-Rod and Manny Ramirez will both do the former, while Ichiro might have the latter by August. Is nothing sacred anymore?