Gary Sheffield wants to know if you have the letter

We're not sure how many of you caught Garry Sheffield's appearance on Real Sports last night, but we were fascinated. Not so much by what he said, but by how he said it, the way he shuffled nervously, and the gravitas shown by Real Sports newbie Andrea Kramer. Sheffield told us all about how he and Barry Bonds used to be best pals, until he was told to fall in line with Bonds' communist training regimen. Sheffield gladly "put cream under his tongue" and "rubbed the clear on his legs," yet he still doesn't consider himself a steroid user. According to Sheff, steroids are only "sticking a needle in your butt."

Experts on steroids we're not; we've only dabbled in creatine and protein, but steroids can be taken numerous ways. Under your tongue is a viable entry point into the body, as is through the rubbing of a cream. Think of steroids like cocaine, or any other drug. You use cocaine without snorting it. Same with shooting heroin. We've seen a friend snort Tylenol before, but we wouldn't advise it. Getting a Tylenol-induced nosebleed to clot is no one's idea of a fun Saturday night.

Anyway, Sheffield condemned the Yankess treatment of black players, but said he didn't believe Joe Torre to be a racist. He made a point of emphasizing that Derek Jeter was half-black, half-white, so he didn't understand the pressures and problems Sheffield faced in the clubhouse. But the best moment of the entire evening (except for the segment featuring a one-eyed golf prodigy) was Kramer's relentless prodding of Sheffield about his contact with George Mitchell concerning MLB's steroid investigation.

Kramer asked if Sheffield had been approached by Mitchell to talk about steroids. Sheffield said he wasn't sure, that maybe his business manager would know. Kramer then asked someone offscreen if they could verify whether or not his business manager had been contacted. Sheffield, eyes bugging, asked the same person the same question, in much the manner a boyfriend asks a girlfriend "did you see anything weird at the party tonight?"

His business manager had received a letter from Mitchell, which was "news" to Sheffield. Uh huh. We believe you Sheff. We believe that you believe.