Because you got caught up in the Colts' 13-0 start and bought a Cato June jersey

The time was December, 2005.

We were living in North Jersey, taking the 9:08 into Manhattan Monday through Friday, slaving away as a lowly intern at Entertainment Weekly. We lived in a shitty neighborhood, yes, but we were still a month away from an unprecedented NYC transit strike, a record snowstorm - 26 f'n inches! - and the Pittsburgh Steelers' remarkable from playoff also-ran to Super Bowl Champions.

Life was good. And did we mention the Colts were 13-0? Now, strange things will happen when your team - the Pats' perennial punching bags - has the number one scoring offense and defense in the NFL and appears set to become the greatest team the football world has ever seen. Unfortunately, those things included buying a Cato June jersey.

Flash forward to December, 2006: We live in LA, work for Yahoo!, and the Colts are being pummeled by the Jags, with Cato June quitting on the team. We renounce both Cato and his jersey. Not longer after, "Juneimus the Great" signs with the Bucs and we begin using his jersey as a bug trapper at the bottom of our closet. We're pissed. But, how do we prevent such a tragedy from happening again?

We've found a way, thanks to Ghosts of Wayne Fontes and his remarkable innovations in jersey finance. In short, it involves a Netflix-style subscription service, jersey insurance, and more Wall Street jargon-filled philosophizing. It's the best thing we've heard all week. Now, about that Jim Sorgi sweatband...

Innovations in Jersey Finance [Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]